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2000

~
Because man does not live
by porn alone
~

 

 
notes from the resistance

Jan 31, Y2Big

While scoping out websites of like-minded artists, some very professional, some very not, I thought to myself: Funky cold Medina. Here survive the lost, unsung warriors of comic strip art, the Not-Ready-For- Syndication misfits and rejects, broke but not yet broken, peddling their labor of love like cheap whores (or, to use more delicate parlance, discount whores), in a grungy, backwoods subculture of freelance burnouts and dreamers. Sounds like my kind of place. 
Let's tango and cash, y'all.
-T.



 
~
Yes. I am
positive energy.
~
Feb 29, Y2G
Initially, I'd planned on making this a weekly essay. As it turns out, it's more a weakly written essay with the regularity of something that doesn't appear every week. Poor webpage-maintenance is, I'm told, the chief cause of viewer decline and a sure road to obscurity. And Lord knows we don't want that. Our goal here has always been to reach the safe-as-milk global pop mainstream, actively take part in the frenetic merchandising machine, and to put a little love in your heart. In that order. So please, stand by while our techies tend to the scheduling blips...
-T.


 
~
You go, girl.
~
March 15, Y2Large
First: Shout outs to all yas who spread the word. I'm so grateful I could treat each and every one of you to a Slurpee and some Fritos, but that's not gonna happen. Logistically, it's just not sound. Suffice to say, for every piece of encouragement received, I pump my fist in the air, make slapping motions with the other hand, and scream, "You like being nailed by the king???" So, as you can see, it's all very much appreciated. Muchas grassy-ass, you dope fiends.
-T.


 
~
Think Disco.
~
March 20, Y2M
The internet is a strange, quirky, wonderful place. Personal pages beam out to the entire globe, acquaintenceships and alliances are forged through the magic of fonts, hundreds upon thousands of digital websouls stream through the cyberwaves, seeking, hunting, praying for creature comforts in a teeming procession of virtual life. It's a beautiful thing to behold. Now... Pop quiz, hotshot: Equipped with this dazzling technology what do you do? What do you do? I pound on the computer and call the modem filthy names when a download takes TWO WHOLE MINUTES... I mean, come on! That just ain't gonna cut it, dig?
-T.


 
~
Don't cry for me,
Argentina.
~
March 27, Y2thou
It's an oft-told tale: Young ambitious talent seeks fame, climbs the rungs of success, reaches the top, then crashes with scandal and fades into oblivion. Somewhere along the line (right before the crash), the young star will bemoan his loss of privacy and endlessly lament how his craft is "no longer any fun." Not me. I'm a-gonna embrace the punishing, high-octane schedule of superstardom. I will live it, breathe it, be it. Gonna shake my moneymaker. Oh yes I will. Wanna know why? Cuz you like me. You really really like me.
-T.


 
~
Are we there yet?
~
April 3, Y2keys
There've been some inquiries regarding the lack of biographical content about the author. Well, we've contacted Mr. Ishida (via satellite feed, as he moonlights as a field operative for a secret spy society)and forwarded this question straight away. The e-mail reply reads in part: "Tell them my real identity must be protected. Lives hang in the balance. They can't handle the truth! Still in Moscow. Be back soon." What we can tell you is that he likes it shaken, not stirred. He has a passion for synchronized swimming, all things plush, and he hopes his comic will one day be adapted into a full-on ice-capade spectacular: Sinfest on Ice.
-T.


 
~
Take me to your
leader, earth boy
~
April 10, Y2kilo
Having been on the air for a couple months, I've noticed a distinguishable pattern in the feedback. The archetypal letter would go something like this: "Dude. Your main character guy, what's-his-name, he looks too much like that kid, what's-his-name, in Calvin & Hobbes. You should fix that. Plus, can I have a T-shirt? And lastly, what exactly is it you're smoking? P.S. The chick, what's-her-name, she's hot. She makes me feel funny down there." Now, it's not that I don't appreciate these sentiments. I do. I love feedback. But please, for the love of Mary, don't ask me to incriminate myself. I can't tell you what I smoke.
-T.


 
~
They call me Bruce
~
April 16, DosKilo
Welcome all ye virgin souls,
Welcome to the 'fest.
Activate them senses and
Pray you do your best.
Deadbeat pappy hit the road,
Mammy's outta wack.
Sister be in rehab and
Brother's sellin' smack.
Posin' schoolmate bully pit
They pushin' every trend--
Phony heads they make you wish
The world come to an end.
Sometime life ain't got no cheer,
But don't sweat the hypocrites;
Be none surprised fo' any crime
And misdeed they commits!
Next crop of young 'ns comin' yo
& we gots ta chill, because
Soon be time to welcome them
As long ago we was...
-T.


 
~
Sho nuff git done
wackin' the jizz yo
~
April 23, 2Grand
Finally. We have arrived at our new abode. The ever dependable E-haul truck, as it were, has transported all the furniture and china, every prop and miscellany from the old site, even my collection of inflatable alien dolls. In the grand spirit of renewal, the staff made plans for a major revamp & upgrade, complete with a Sinfest Escort Service and a Tweak Exchange Program. You know, to give back to the community. In the end, however, our engineers went with something called the "If It Ain't Broke" approach, prompting a series of jokes about the creator's financial status, which, quite frankly, is no laughing matter. 
-T.


 
~
High on life and
livin' on love
~
April 30, YNisen
The response has been tremendous. Your letters of support and encouragement make this whole endeavor  easier and more pleasant. Mucho arigato! And special shouts to the Keenspot crew who took a chance signing this etiquette-challenged strip. Man, I'm feeling so optimistic I'm projecting a six-month run! Maybe seven! You know it's just a matter of time before the Thought Police come raiding this site and snatch up little Slick away and reunite him with his Cuban pappy, right?
-T.


 
~
This is only a test
~
May 7, 2000 A.D.
On merchandising: It's flattering to hear so much interest in Sinfest product, and yes, I do fancy the thought of a whole line of God Puppets®, so you too can "play God" and talk smack about the Devil®-- available with Redneck Hunting Gear (action figure sold separately). Believe you me, I have every intention of selling out big-time-- cash in on the consumer demand for neat pop merchandise, then flee the country and retire to some remote island. On the other hand, I may decide to have some of that artistic integrity stuff and do the Starving Artist Who Doesn't Compromise bit. Alas, who could resist the chance to pimp their characters on Madison Avenue?
-T.


 
~
You must be this tall
to go on this ride
~
May 14, Why Too Kay
Some of you may be wondering, "Why is this column called Notes from the Resistance? What is it exactly you're resisting?" Well, it's complicated. At first we were gonna call it The Inside Dope, and then we thought maybe The Big Fat Truth, or Spewings of a Yuckmouth (which I was particularly fond of). Ultimately, though, we decided to go political, to give the site that extra edge. Our politics here at Sinfest are pretty darn radical (we believe in Casual Weekdays, mandatory service in the Salvation Army, and blowing up Mars) so we anticipate opposition. And that's what we're resisting, bubba. 
Over and out.
-T.


 
~
Made you look!
~
May 21, MM
I've been working on my acceptance speech, just in case. Check it: "Wow. I am like, so thrilled. I totally did not expect to win. First, I'd like to thank God. Second, I'd like to thank the Academy for letting me wear this thong on stage. And a shout to the Devil, who heads the Academy in disguise. It's been a rough journey, but dagnabbit, I did it for the kids, ya know? Yeah, rags to riches, bags to bitches, smack dat mad booty, HOO HAW!!! Who's the King of the World now, huh? Who's the King?! But seriously folks, regardless of what the U.N. has accused me of, I'm a force for good. Just say no to schwag-- hold out for the good stuff. Hee hee, just kidding. Stay off the brain drain, y'all. Peace and Rapture."
-T.


 
~
Talk to the
hand puppet
~
May 28, 2M
It's a Catch-22: As long as the strip is not syndicated, I figure I might as well make good on my creative freedom and go balls wild; consequently I produce more work that's unfit for syndication. Going "mass market," of course, would entail the cleaning up of content, subjection to the whims of an editor, and the surrender of copyright and license to a corporate machine. Which all sounds pretty terrible until you hear the cha-ching of your internal cash register and meet up with fine-ass groupie honeys, which, according to some hip hop lyrics, is the meaning of life. Making the bigs, joining the A-list, going to the show and pimpin' your muse on the catwalk... that's the dream, baby. But hey, I'm just talkin' here...
-T.


 
~
I'm gonna git
you, sucka
~
June 4, Two Triple Oh
Where does one find inspiration? How do you court the coy muse? Just be yourself? Or do you need a really good opening line to catch her attention? "Hey, muse, lookin' fiiiiiiiiine, mama. Oo! I totally dig that tight body on ya. Let's you and me bounce on over to my crib and do it Picasso-style."  Or you could put out a personal ad: "Muse Wanted: For artistic inspiration, spiritual rebirth, and light ego-massaging. Must be able to handle artist's inner torment. No Harpies please." And hey, what about female artists? Do they have man-muses? Do they look like Fabio? Yeah, that's rich. Fabio in a cherub get-up floating around sprinkling fairy dust on... Cathy Guisewite. "Do it, Fabio," Cathy would moan. "Do it to me Picasso-style."
-T.


 
~
What was the
question again?
~
June 11, 00
An excerpt from the exclusive Tatsuya Ishida interview, conducted by Leonardo DiCaprio: 
Leo: What's it like to be cool?
Tatsuya: Well, Leo--may I call you Leo?
Leo: Of course. Call me whatever.
Tatsuya: Okay, "Whatever." You ask some fruity questions.
Leo: Nuh uh.
Tatsuya: Fruity. 
Leo: Stop it.
Tatsuya: Fruity fruity fruity.
Leo: Stop hitting me, I'm the king of the world! 
(At that point, armed security had to separate the two, and Tatsuya was thrown off the White House balcony, onto a throng of teenage girls waving "I'll never let go, Leo" placards. No one was seriously injured.)
-T.


 
~
Group hug!
~
June 18, 2000
Let's hit some FAQs:
What materials do you use?
Non-photocopy pencils, Micron pens, Sharpies, white-out.
When will you make available some Sinfest goodies?
I'll get to it, sport.
On average, how long does it take to produce one strip?
3 hours or so.
You think you're hot shit, don't you, punk?
I don't know, but your mom sure thinks so.
Whatever. What are your political and religious leanings?
Just last night, me and her we got all sick freaky up in the joint. She quacked like a goose, she did. Hya ha ha ha ha ha.
How often were you dropped as a child?
Like a goose! She so nasty!
-T.


 
~
Ever dance with a cherub
in broad daylight?
~
June 25, 200Dimes
Disclaimer: Please be advised that the work displayed herein is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to persons, dogs, cats, gods or devils, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Plus, the views and opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of the people who expressed them. We understand the punchline can sometimes be explosively hilarious, but please celebrate responsibly. We will not tolerate looting, pillaging, setting bonfires, carjacking, or groping strangers.  That said, let's give it up for the home team and party hard, but party right.
-T.

 
 
~
Bet you can't
read just one
~
 
July 2, Millennium II
Technical difficulties have forced me to frequent a local computer outlet to upload new strips. For some reason my computer won't connect me to the internet, so I apologize in advance for any updating problems. Comes with the territory , I guess, but it's still a bitch in drag. It's not to be mentioned how these minor setbacks trigger persecution anxiety ("Why me? Sweet baby Jesus, why ME!?"), and conspiracy theories ("My enemies seek to thwart me yet again... But I shall foil their evil plan and emerge victorious. Oh yes I shall!"). Which is all delusional nonsense, I'm well aware. Computer problems are caused by alpha transmissions from the alien mothership. Everyone knows that.
-T.

 
~
Wonder Twin powers...
Activate!
~
July 9, Twenty Hundred
The word used most often to describe me would have to be "pimp-daddy-licious." Mostly cuz of my plumed sequin fedora, which has become my personal trademark. But I think what really grabs people is my ninja outfit. It's top of the line. People snicker when they see me at cocktail parties; others say mixing Eastern and Euro motifs is a fashion faux pas. But these knuckleheads are just jealous they didn't think of it first. Feudal glam is the hottest fashion craze since Madonna's "skanky gold digger" look of the 80s, and has spread throughout youth culture. Pretty soon teachers, postal workers, and air traffic controllers will be in full dress ninja garb with ostrich feather boas. You watch.
-T.


 
~
Please Hammer
Don't Hurt 'em
~
July 16, 21st Century
People say to me, "Tatsuya, how do you stay so fresh and original?" And I says to them, "By avoiding cliches and never biting others." And then the people say to me, "That's righteous, man." And I says back to the people, "Yeah, dig it. I lay off the formulaic, the rehashed, recycled remake--that tired, trite, typical tripe, ya know, and I steer clear of the beaten path and take the road less traveled by, which makes all the difference, see, cuz consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds and with great power comes great responsiblity, so do unto others as you would have done to you, and to thine own self be true, cuz baby, you're a star." 
-T.


 
~
Promise you'll 
never let go
~
July 23, Two Thousand
Just spent four days at the San Diego Comic Con, and it was a blast. I went to several panel discussions, you know, to prepare for that day I myself take the podium and address my very own doting audience of supple, throbbing groupies. As I listened in on heavyweights like Scott McCloud rail away on big important sounding issues, I thought to myself, "Man, I'd look good up there. I should wear red. Yes. Lots of red." And I'll have to assemble a crack entourage of goons with headsets and several dancing girls with jiggle capability. Before my panel discussion, the lights would go down, strobe lights flare, the beat sounds and it's hype time to do a little dance, make a little love...
-T. 


 
~
We have the technology
~
July 30, Two Zero Zero Zero
Web comics is grass-roots, word-of-mouth, guerrilla-style 'tooning, where audience participation is key. Fans support sites by clicking ads, even if they haven't the slightest inclination to check out Whatevertheshit Online Enterprises. Still others stuff the ballot boxes at Top Site lists, or spam chatrooms with URLs. The Sinfest readership has been exorbitantly generous in this regard, and I just wanted to let you know it hasn't gone unnoticed. It's damn cool to have that kind of support. Mad love and big thanks for all the pimpwork, you bunch of loony fanboys and girls!
-T. 


 
~
Strange things are
afoot at the Circle K
~
August 6, Year Two Thousand
The Sinfest Store is up. Regrettably, there are no puppets, weapons, or inflatable dolls. For some inexplicable reason Cafe Press does not offer any of these items. But we're confident they'll come to their senses sooner or later and expand their catalogue to accommodate our modern needs. Yes, I can see it now... Sinfest bongs! Monique edible pajamas! Pimp Ninja samurai swords! Junkie Ranger action figure with pump-action syringe! Whoa Nellie! Talk about leaving the world better than you found it!
-T. 


 
~
Float like a butterfly,
Sting like a bee
~
August 13, Y2KAD
Fame is something which must be won; honor is something which must not be lost.
-Schopenhauer
Backlash is a rite of passage, a trial by fire to test one's media mettle. An up-and-comer must suffer through scathing reviews, mudslinging rants, and endless derision. The backbiting from colleagues can be especially demoralizing, but chances are, no worse than the youthful shit I've done (and no doubt yet to do). Such is the way of a Jedi pimp, sworn to protect a world that fears and hates him. He knows the path is not always strewn with rose petals and well-wishers, but sometimes gets blocked by trolls and naysayers. So be it! Nobody said it was gonna be easy, so onward ho! Advance on the chaos and the dark!
-T. 


 
~
Wax on, wax off
~
August 20, Nisennen
Politics 2000 is revving up, so I thought a commentary might be in order, this being a political column and all. Hell, let's unveil the Sinfest manifesto. To wit: We are radically pro-this, moderately anti-that, and definitely, emphatically pro-those. We believe music can change the world and art can heal your soul. We believe in the Tao of Pooh and the Word of Allah, as we follow the Noble Eight-Fold Path to Vatican City where we'll have a Kosher meal at a Japanese Tea Ceremony, then go joyriding in the Popemobile with a bunch of gypsies who believe in the Force. We'll catch a matinee of the Holy Trilogy and rest after the seventh hour. And when it is done we will say, "It is good."
-T. 

All contents © copyright 2006 by Tatsuya Ishida/Museworks. No duplication, reproduction, or reprinting of Sinfest strips and/or related characters allowed without written permission from the author/publisher.

evil fanboys on the loose!